Have You Seen Me?

I live in Ghana and sometimes travel to Nigeria and Niger.  I work out of an Internet café, drinking espresso and stealing computers, ipads, laptops, digital cameras, and even cash.  I'm a con-man, preying on lonely Americans - women and men!  They should know better but somehow still chat with me. 

I've pretended to be aid workers, soldier, businessmen, and hot Brazilian models.  Ha ha, that last one always make me laugh.  My friends can't believe that anyone would think I was gorgeous woman, but I've used that ploy a few times and it always gets me lots of cash.  American men are so stupid.

See the ear buds in this picture?  I used a credit card from a woman in Alabama - I don't even know where that is - because she thought I was a missionary spreading the word of Jesus.   I call myself Muslim, but I only really worship money.  I pretend to be a missionary a lot and people in the south of America love it and send me clothes, computers, and cash!  It's a trick I learned from Mr. Billy Graham and Mr. Pat Robertson.  I saw them on Television begging for money and American's send them thousands of US dollars.  I think, "I can be missionary too," and it worked.

I once told this woman in Detroit - in someplace called "Michigan" I think - that I loved her and that we were soul mates.  She wanted to meet me and we made plans - at least she thought we did.  My wife would kill me - literally, she's a good shot! - if I met some white woman for love.  I made a few excuses about stolen (this is the meaning of irony) wallet or having to bribe Ghanaian official (which I have to do to stay out of jail, but they are partner now) and she's so crazy for love that she offer to send me money to fly to her.  How can I refuse?

It's so easy fooling dumb American's I don't have to buy stolen credit cards anymore to pay for my lifestyle - including Mercedes car and DirectTV (see antenna on building I own?).  I still train my son's on stolen credit cards, just in case American's ever wise-up and stop just giving me money.  My nine year old is buying credit cards right now.  But my fifteen year old has already moved onto sending emails telling American's they have won lots of money.  That one used to be so easy too, but now only few thousand people send us their bank info and times are hard so we only get about $30,000 US dollars a week that way.

If I didn't have to bribe my government to stay out of jail, I would own this country in a few years.

Well, thanks for reading about me.  Remember, if you find me online and I say, "I love you," I mean it this time.  Ha ha.  Honest, we'll get married.  Soon.