My Neighbor is a Republican

I wrote this last summer. An LGBT friend of mine made me think of it on Monday.

My neighbor is a republican.  We've talked before about politics.  He's told me that he marched with blacks in the 60's for equality.  I don't know I wasn't there.  I wasn't born until the late 60's and by then the issue was -mostly- decided.  But I have to believe him when he said he marched.  I have no reason not to.

He asked me today about my thoughts on the current political fight in California between Brown and Whitman.  And so I told him:

"I'm not sure I like a career politician as governor."

"Yeah, I know what you mean."

"Really, has he done anything besides run for office?  Because even when you're in office your running.  There are polls to maintain, re-elections to think about, after term-limits choices to make.  He's never been anything but a mayor, or a governor, or an attorney general.  I think the only thing really that he's qualified to do us run a campaign."

"I agree.  That bugs me too."

"But at the same time," I said, "I'm not sure that Whitman is the right choice either.  "Could you," I pointed at him, "Have done a worse job running eBay in its hey-day?  What did it take to steer that ship in open, calm waters?  Not very much, I'll bet."

"Ha!  I never thought of it that way.  Now that you mention it…"

"It's not like she took a failing company and turned it around, right?"

"No."

"And," I continued, "She's done and said some things that bug me.  Like the voting issue."

"That's a big one for me to," he agreed.  "How can you defend not voting and then try to run for office?  How can she tell people to get out and vote if she won't?"

"Precisely!"  I said.

"But," he says, "That's just one issue.  What else bugs you about Meg?"  (Funny how when you're talking about anything with your neighbor everyone is on a first name basis.)

"Well," says I, "that whole gay marriage thing, for me, is an issue.  Not that I’m gay.  I have a daughter.  I love women.  Really.   Sometimes more than I should."

"I believe ya," he laughed. "But I don't believe in gay marriage.  I think that some of those people have a choice."

"To be gay?" I asked.  "Really, you think there are people who would choose that lifestyle and all the discrimination and persecution?  Wow."

"Yeah," he says, "I know there's a gene for most of them, but I really think some of those people could choose to be straight and not gay. "  Then he says, "What about the majority voting against it?"

"Did you vote for Proposition 8?" I ask.

"Uh, I voted against gay marriages.  That's my right."  This is where he starts to sound uncomfortable.

"Absolutely it's your right.  But it's also their right to get married.  The constitution says 'all men are created equal.'  How can the majority of a population vote away someone else's rights?"

"We didn't vote away their rights, they didn't have it in the first place."

"They did.  The California Supreme Court said that the state constitution allows for gay marriages.  Prop 8 was a vote to change the constitution and take away someone's rights."

"Well, I just don't believe that gay people should marry, that's all."

"How can you say that?  You said you marched for black equality.  How is this different?  How can you say that a part of the population is less equal than another part of the population?  This is no different than segregation and Jim Crow laws, only you can't tell a gay person by the color of their skin."

"It is different.  These people aren't black, this isn't a race issue." he says.  "This isn't about race or equality, it's not the same."

"Because some of them choose to be gay?"

"Yes!"

"Okay, let's take out 'gay' and make it 'Jew'.  Can you vote to say that a Jew can't marry another Jew?  Is that okay?"

"Well, that's religion.  It's not the same, like race isn't the same."

"But some people can choose to be Jewish, right?"  He nods.  "And some people choose to be Christian or not to be Christian, right."

"But those are religions.  That's about faith and belief.  You can't compare those to being gay."

"Fine," I reply. An idea pops into my head, "What about fat?  Everyone is trying to stamp out obesity.  Can we vote in California so that one fat person cannot marry another fat person?  After all, they choose to be fat, right?  Can we, as a people, vote to take away the rights of fat people?"

Softly he says, "That's not the same either."  The fight is leaving him, I think it's my logic, but I can't be sure.  It could just be debating that he doesn't like.

"Is it okay, in California or any other state, to vote away someone's rights?  Let's take 'gay' out, take 'black' out, take 'fat' out, take 'Jew' out… Can the majority vote that one group of people is less equal and therefore has less rights, than another group; or less than the majority?  Is that okay?"

"In some situations," he says, but he's still speaking softly and refuses to look at me now.  It's become a serious debate, one that he didn't plan to start.

But I keep up the attack, though neither of us is yelling or really agitated, "See, that's what I don't understand about you Republicans: how you can defend the Constitution of the United States and say you embrace it, but then say, 'not all people were created equal.'  Would you vote to remove that line from the U.S. Constitution?"

"No, of course not."  He's perked up some now, standing straighter and speaking up again.  "But I just don't believe in gay marriage.  I think this is different.  It's not a race issue or a religion issue; it's just different.  I can't explain it, I just know I have the right to vote however I want."

"I'm not trying to take away your vote or say you can't vote how you want.  Your choice.  But if you can't defend it, I'm going to try to talk you out of it."

"It's my vote."

"Yes it is.  When we were talking about Meg and Jerry, if I said I was going to vote for Brown because I liked his hair, would you try to talk me out of it?  My vote would cancel yours not on issues but simply because I like his hair?"

"Maybe, but it's your vote.  You can do what you want with it."

At this point, he turned and walked into his house indicating that he didn't want to debate politics or the merits of equality and gay marriage any more.  I turned and went back into my house too.  But it left me thinking.

The anti-gay movement is so fixated on their belief that gay marriage is wrong that it might as well be a religion.  They can't defend it when you hold it up to the state constitution let alone the U.S. Constitution.  They have no logic for why gay people should have fewer rights.  If you made it not about "marriage" but say, "driving" or "voting" - they can't and won't argue for not allowing gays to drive or vote (at least not yet).  That makes no sense; why would gay people not be allowed to drive?  But marriage… that's a completely different situation. 

The "Fat" argument just popped into my head during my debate with my neighbor, but in hindsight, I think it's the perfect comparison - if you believe that people choose to be gay, which I don't.  Fat people (speaking as a fat person myself) live an unhealthy lifestyle that can cause medical issues.  They are ridiculed and picked on and pointed at just like gay people.  They are the object of discrimination and persecution.  If two fat people pro-create, then there's a good chance their children will be fat and will learn unhealthy lifestyles.

One of the arguments against gay marriage is that gay couples will produce gay children (with help of course, or by adoption) simply by learning to be gay.  Can you not say the same about fat kids?  They learned to be fat from their fat parents.  To save that whole population - and the tax dollars associated with obesity - we should ban fat marriages.  Really, there are far more fat Americans than there are gay Americans, think of the good we could do America and the money we'd save on health care.  But, surprisingly, none of the Republicans that I know are advocating this position.  Maybe because there are more fat people now in America and they can vote and fat people are not likely to vote against themselves. Who would say, "I'm so fat, I shouldn't be allowed to marry!"  The fat boat has left the Republican party, and so they turn their hatred and fear to the gay population instead.

What I've never understood in that argument is this: if people choose to be gay and children learn to be gay from their parents, where did the first gay person come from?  How do you explain the gay children with two straight parents?  I beleive that Dick Cheney, Alan Keyes, and Randall Terry all have gay children?  Does that mean they're… naw, not Dick.  Not Alan.  Certainly not Randy. Of course, Reverend Haggard was loudly homophobic too, before he came out.